That I am very much sure of. I see that there's so much to hope for and to dream about and to pursue in light of the celebration of youth, my zeitgeist.

And I believe there is no holding back now. 

It is time. 

Paskorus is in six days and I really want my class to make it to the finals. I know they are very talented singers and gifted musicians, all of them. And despite that nagging feeling I have that not all really want to join, these people still made the effort to join the rest of the class to compete.

I'm really touched by this despite my misanthropic state of mind. But I can't deny that I have issues to find closure with and the resolution is through a brilliant performance that will land the class a spot in the finals. I know that the two classes with the best performances deserve the finals spots. And really, as long as those classes deserve the finals, it's no issue with me.

But the thing is, sometimes, it's not just talent and hard work that gets credited.

And this is where my frustration comes in.

Maybe I'm overreacting.

I need to breathe. Just because this will be the last choral singing competition I'll be competing in with a class and just because of unresolved issues, I shouldn't get so worked up about all of this. I shouldn't let status quo deprive me of a mindset for the win.

A system of injustice shouldn't bother me now, eh? After all, this is the world.  

I know 4 C! will give its best in the Paskorus Eliminations. Win or lose, the section is not compromised. 

Hangal

Isa kang kang hangal.

Umaasa muli sa wala. Ilang beses ka bang kailangang masaktan upang pigilin ang sarili mo? Hanggang ngayon ba'y hindi mo alam kung ano ang nakabubuti sa iyo?

Wala kang kwenta.

Idiin mo yan sa iyong utak.

Wala kang kwenta.

Kinakausap ang sarili? Nasiraan ka na ba ng bait? Akala mo naman kung umasa ka sa magagandang bagay ay mawawala na agad ang takip-silim ng iyong buhay?

Nandito pa ako. Kumakatok sa likuran ng iyong isipan. Hindi ako mawawala. Hanggat hindi mo naaalis ang iyong katangahan, hindi ako mawawala.

 Perhaps I have gone off the rocker in non-clinical ways. The author may have not directly told me that this particular blog post he made was for me but I know it's for me. 

He said almost the same thing a few days later.

Just maybe, nothing is solved by hoping on something good. I know this. I just forget that I do. I have lived a live learning that nothing in life is permanent and that there is nothing really to hold on to. 

The twilight will come and I am sure it will.But can I not make due of what I have in an attempt to make the dawn give way to a better day?

I am not saying that I do not need help or companionship or friendship for that matter. But is there not a time when one should turn in and give up? 

There are some things in this world resolve never comes into terms with. 

:3

I'll be waiting. 

Now it's either that or THAT on December. 

In the course of this short lifetime of mine, I have been taught so much by the world that I have grown weary and tired. I find myself wishing for this phase to be over just so to get a move on and to get things over with.

Just to get on with the next phase in life.

And the next.

And the next.

And the next.

And the ---______.

Point being, this can't really be all there is to life now, ne? There just has to be something - something out there to put sense and meaning, if not a purpose to the grand scheme of things!




Perhaps my purpose is to find that meaning.




So arbitrarily, this is not my date of birth. This is my date of awareness of the world I exist in.

Oh, and the fact that I have difficulty looking for shoes I like because they mostly come in size 8's.  

This afternoon was half spent on shopping. Yes, I was given money to spend on anything and I wanted a really cute bag and shoes because I got what I wanted - except not in the way I had planned. Moving on, I did find a really cute bag - an onion shaped bag! Yeah~! But with the shoes, because of my being too picky, the only three pairs I came to like were one, out of stock; two, available in size 8's only; three, made my feet look smaller.

I know I love my body for all the flaws I may have: the un-perfect and blemished skin, the uneven eyes, the too thin lips, the VERY uneven skin tone, the multi-colored hair ranging from black to red to blonde to white, the scattered eyebrows and so much more. But it does get a bit frustrating when the market cannot cater to your needs simply because you're on the narrower end of the demand bell curve  for shoes doesn't mean you don't have needs too! 

Erm. shutting up before I stay something stupid out of my selfish frustration. 

Basta. 

Paper bags and plastic hearts
All are belongings in shopping carts
It's goodbye
But we got one more night
Let's get drunk and ride around
And make peace with an empty town
We can make it right

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

Tonight will change our lives
It's so good to be by your side
We'll cry
We won't give up the fight
We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs
And they'll think it's just cause we're young
And we'll feel so alive

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

All of the wasted time
The hours that were left behind
The answers that we'll never find
They don't mean a thing tonight

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

]]> http://paaauuwee.i.ph/blogs/paaauuwee/?p=2 http://paaauuwee.i.ph/blogs/paaauuwee/?p=2#comments Tue, 02 Oct 2007 00:06:00 +0000 paaauuwee http://paaauuwee.i.ph/blogs/paaauuwee/?p=2 There was the Author. She was bored and somewhat in need of a caustic catharsis from the boredom and the strife of everyday life. And she created the blog.

And there was the blog. It was empty and plain. But the Author saw the potential in the blog and decided what she wanted out of that blog. She wanted personal space for herself under the persona of paaauuweee. And she did.

Now she begins.